si CANTIK dan si BISU

Hey guys...rasanya dah lama sangat aku tak hapdate entry pasal cintan-cintun, entry bersifat eww ewww geli kan. so hari ni sebelum aku tido petang tadi aku terfikir nak buat entry ni...actually dah lama nak buat. cuma takde idea mencurah bagai susu krimer pekat manis yang dituang dalam teh tarik..perghh sedap! Eh..

Kali ni aku nak cerita pasal situasi yang baru2 ni aku alami, aku perhati dan aku terfikir..apakah itu?

SITUASI 1
Pada suatu hari sedang aku dating kat salah sebuah mall ni, tiba2 aku rasa lapar. So aku decide nak pegi mekdi, makan big mac! dah siap order semua aku tunggu la staff tu siapkan apa aku order. Then kat sebelah kanan aku ternampak sepasang couple pun duk tengah order. Dalam masa aku perati tu aku perasan yang si boy asyik tengok menu tanpa berkata apa2 kat girlnya. Seketika kemudian tiba2 dia keluarkan "hand sign" tunjuk kat girl tu. I assume dia nak bagitau apa yang dia nak. Then baru aku sedar yang rupanya boy tu bisu.

SITUASI 2
Kali ni agak kebetulan aku tengah jalan2 kat mall yang sama dalam situasi 1 tadi. Tapi aku bukan kat mekdi. Dekat dengan elevator tu ada mesin penimbang berat. So aku pun agak teringin la nak tau berapa berat aku walaupun tau yang berat aku takkan cecah angka yang aku nak. Then aku perasan yang mesin tu berkarat ya rabbi...tak jadi den! Dalam duk usha2 mesin tu aku nampak la couple ni..Sekali lagi aku pelik tengok cara diorang berkomunikasi. Si boy bagi "hand sign" kat si girl. Tapi si girl tetap mengeluarkan suara (sebab aku dengar dia cakap). Si boy tengok girl dan bagi respon dengan "hand sign" jugak.

So then untuk kedua kalinya aku terserampak dengan couple yang merupakan "si cantik dan si bisu" atau "the beauty and the mute" dalam konteks yang agak comel bagi aku. Aku tak sure yang couple yang aku nampak tu adalah couple yang sama ataupun couple berbeza. Pardon my memory..banyak sangat fikir punya pasal sampai lupa banyak benda.

Point is aku rasa couple yang macam aku story kat atas sangat jarang kita tengok. Jarang kita akan jumpa sorang yang normal memiliki partner yang kurang upaya. right?
Aku respect girl tu sebab sentiasa ada dengan boy tu. I bet it's not easy for her.

Whatever it is, how many times can we see the kind of situation I mentioned above? Luckily for me though I get to see it twice and I find it "sweet".
If by any chance that I have somebody like that guy, i'll be happy to be the "voice". It's nice to feel needed. It makes us feel loved. I'm not asking for it to happen though, I'm just saying IF I happen to be dealing with someone like that guy, I would be happy.. I guess.

Dari Melaka ke Ho Chi Minh

Dah sangat lama tak menaip kat sini..rasa macam baru buat blog! sorry blog kesayanganku..hahaha

Hari ni aku nak share something yang aku recently experienced.

That thing is trip ke Ho Chi Minh City.

Tau Ho Chi Minh kat mana? Kat Vietnam lerrrr...

I was there with my classmates..trip kelas under subject Tourism Marketing.

Taknak cter lebih pasal subjek tu...haha

Aku share gambar2 ikut kronologi je la k... macam malas plak nak menaip. LOL

SEBELUM BERTOLAK & 1st DAY

Kitorang berkampung kat LCCT seawal pukul 3 pagi..flight pukul 7. maka dengan tak mandinya kami duduk macam orang merempat kat LCCT. maklumla mampu naik Air Asia je..tak mampu naik MAS kan. hahaha...that day unfortunately sangat mekdi tak bukak! Damn! tak tau ke kitorang lapar and perlukan tempat nak menunggu? then boleh plak hari tu kau tutup...

muka2 seronok nak boarding (tak sedar diri tak mandi)

Pukul 8.30 waktu Vietnam kitorang pun sampai Ho Chi Minh. Jet lag! haha...the only not so good thing about this country is the officers are not as friendly. senyum pun tak ok! sangat eerrr errrrr

semua busuk lagi!

First of all tour leader bawak group pegi city tour..central post office, notradame, and Hard Rock cafe 

                                  

                                  

Lepas habis city tour adalah lunch time! Lunch first kat restoran melayu...and of course la halal. lepas lunch kitorang pegi check in hotel! hotel tak jauh pun dari restoran..jalan kaki!

makan dulu! 

                                  

Dalam pukul 2 kitorang gerak pegi Ho Chi Minh International University. Dapat rehat kejap je and mostly tak sempat mandi..sumpah rasa busuk! hahaha

Honestly speaking masa buat lawatan kejap kat universiti ni sangat best! tak expect pun dapat sambutan macam tu dari diorang. Masa sampai kitorang di-pairkan dengan sorg student..aku dapat pair ngan Thanh Thai Nguyen..budak bisnes!

Kitorang sempat buat performance dikir barat and tarian..last sekali joget lambak. best bawak student IU menari sekali.

dikir barat la konon..

                                  

joget lambak uolllsss!!

                                 

UiTM KBM + IU

                                  

bye2...sob sob

so that's pretty much our first day. malam tu lepas lunch semua pakat nak jalan2 kat night market tapi semua tido..kepenatan! 

2nd DAY

Hari kedua kitorang pegi jauh dari bandar..pegi Chu Chi Tunnel. (sebut kuci). Terowong masa zaman perang Vietnam-Amerika dulu. 

Dalam banyak2 tempat kat tong sampah jugak jadi pilihan

                                                                     

                                  

                                 

Memandangkan lubang terowong tu sangat kecik, so orang2 tertentu je boleh masuk. Antaranya aku..tapi even for me, lubang tu masih lagi kecik.gelap plak tu..seram!!!

                                           

                                           

Balik dari terowong tu semua berduyun pegi shopping..dah tour leader bawak g shopping nak buat macam mana ye dok!

                                 

malam tu kitorang makan paper rice..macam popiah!

                               

tawaf berkali2 kat tempat yg sama tapi tak beli pape jugak...

                               

3rd DAY

Hari ketiga group pegi melawat sungai mekong..the most important river kat vietnam.
Kat sungai mekong ni kitorang singgah kat pulau kecik kat tepi2 dia..aku tak sure la tempat tu layak dipanggil pulau sebab kat sungai kan, takkan ada pulau kat tengah2..lain la laut. tapi whatever!
1st place yang kitorang singgah adalah tempat orang produce madu. dapat minum honey tea free! bergelas2 aku minum..

                                 

honey lemon tea!

                               

Lepas puas minum teh madu, kitorang gerak pegi kilang buat gula2 kelapa..dapat la rasa gula2 tu sikit. nak beli macam tak berbaloi pulak. haha..sorry takde gambar!!

diorang tengah nyanyi lagu anak kampung..tapi sebutan tak betul sikit! LOL

Then kitorang dibawak plak pegi satu tempat macam restoran..kononnya nak dijamukan buah2 tempatan/tropika. hari tu dapat buah naga, mangga, longan and nenas..tapi honestly aku cakap tak sedap. isi buah longan sikit, kurang manis bla bla bla..tapi yang bestnya ada performance! siap nyanyi lagu anak kampung lagi..haha

                                   

Lepas makan buah n tengok performance tu kitorang pegi belakang kedai tu...alangkah terkejutnya bila nampak pemandangan yang aku sangat familiar! mangrove!!! macam kat kampung aku jerrr! pastu sampai la kat jeti tu..ada banyak sampan. long story short, kitorang divide ikut group naik satu sampan..makcik yang dayung sampan ada 2 orang. sorang depan, sorang belakang. masa nak gerak tu makcik tu bebel ape ntah kat aku..nak je aku cakap.."HAAA MEMANG AKU FAHAM!!!" hahaha...

on the way tu makcik tu suruh aku plak dayung..nasib baik la tau sikit2. so takde la dayung sampai terpercik air kat orang kan.

yg depan sekali tu paling expert mendayung! 

Masa dah sampai kat muara sungai tu makcik tu bagi signal..macam mintak duit. teringat la kitorang punya tour leader cakap kena bagi duit kat pendayung tu..so kutip la sorang 2 hengget..4 org jadi 8 hengget. aku bagi kat makcik tu, dia kata tak cukup! aigoo...aku bagi lagi 2 hengget.pastu dia blah camtu je..senyum pun tak. marah letew! 

4th DAY

Last day ni takde buat pape sangat since separuh hari je..awal pagi ramai dah bangun nak shopping kat Benth Thanh Market. Kononnya nak jadi 1st customer sebab org vietnam bagi murah kat 1st customer..bagi luck katanya! tapi bila sampai je kat market tu dah ramai orang..semua pakat nak shopping kain plak tu! ok semua jadi pemborong kain kejap! haha

Tengah hari semua packing nak pegi airport..nak balik malaysia. so sad!!! :(
Tapi sebelum tu sempat lagi singgah Central Post Office nak snap gambar!

Okay..tu je la trip Ho Chi Minh kitorang..balik malaysia majoriti dapat demam. badan aku sampai naik ruam. nasib baik takde pape.. hehe



p/s masa minum honey lemon tea tu kitorang ada bergambar dengan ular sawa..mana ntah gambar tu!

it's not unusual

i wish i have something good to say to you right now,

but honestly all i can say is i'm sorry,

sorry for not being sensitive enough to understand you,

for not being so knowledgeable enough to know that those will hurt you,

i'm sorry my dear.

i really do...

just a few moments earlier i said that i made my blog to express my feelings,

because i'm clueless, speechless, and wordless when it comes to face to face conversation,

so here i am,

writing this entry,

just for you,

a very special one,

and i hope you will like it,

though it's not perfect.

You are adorable!

first of all i just wanna say that i've never known anybody like you before,

you make me smile for just receiving a text from you,

make me laugh just by listening to your jokes,

make my heart beats fast by hearing you say sweet2 words.

i can honestly say that i've never felt anything like this with anyone before.

then i knew you,

sure we haven't known each other for a long time,

but i feel like i've known you since forever.

i mean is this for real?

you make my world go round again!

Awww so cute!

i admit it, 

you are cute!

your smile,

your voice,

your laughter.

sure i met a lot of cute people in my entire life,

but you've got another package with you,

and that is your charm.

We have a lot in common!

i've never known anybody who has a lot of things in common with me before,

until i met you,

day by day,

i just discovered one after another,

things that we both share,

our interest,

our passion,

our character,

our emotions...

all i can say is,

WOW! we've got chemistry!

Your sensitivity is your charm!

i know you are quite sensitive,

i can see it,

for all my life,

i've been pretty sensitive myself,

that makes us no different,

i understand how you feel,

i understand it when you're sad,

i understand it when you're down.

but above all,

one thing that i learnt,

please don't change anything about you,

just be yourself,

whoever you are.

people are going to talk about us,

mostly bad things,

but please don't take them as an obstacle,

take them to make you feel more powerful.

i know it's hard,

i've been struggling too,

but the best thing to be done is,

IGNORE!

well sometimes ignorance is bliss.

i don't know what am i talking about actually,

i guess i'm just a little down right now,

and feeling guilty too.

if by any chance that you read this,

i hope you understand,

and forgive me,

and accept me for who i am,

because i'm doing my best to love and to be loved by you. :)

CINTA...itu bukan untuk aku

cinta cinta cinta!
tak abis2 cinta,
semenjak dua menjak ni aku dibelenggu masalah cinta,
dilema sangat,
stress tau!
stres sebab bukan aku yang bercinta!
kiranya aku adalah mangsa yang tersepit dicelah-celah masalah cinta orang.
boleh tak macam tu?kekekeke...
tapi sumpah ramai orang keliling aku yang ada masalah cinta lately,
musim krisis cintan cintun kot.
kat FB penuh status cinta, jiwang2, miss u, love u ieww ieww punya status,
kat twitter sibuk tweet pasal hati dan perasaan, kena tinggal la, punah harapan la, frust la...
ish ish ishhh...
tak masuk lagi yang berlaku live kat depan aku.
pun ade kot...
kapel sana sini,
dating hari2,
koling berjam tiap2 malam...
hmmmm...sabo je la aku.
takde kapel ni boleh tengok je la...ye dop!
sampai FB aku pun penuh status maha jiwang, jeles dan dok kutuk2 orang berkapel...saje nak kena bahan!
HAHAHA...

motif aku nak buat status love2 ni?
selain menghilangkan resah aku nak jawab test esok,
motif aku buat entri ni just nak bagi nasihat sikit.
yela aku mengaku aku takde pengalaman bercintan-cintun tahap mambang perigi,
tapi aku tau la sikit kan...pengalaman & pemerhatian kot.
tak salah nak bercinta, tapi berpada-pada la,
hal kapel ni bukan nak kata tak boleh serius,
tapi kalau setakat kapel tak payah la nak over-over kan,
sampai penuh Timeline post pasal relationship yang diorang ingat "sweet" tapi padahal "sour" dimata orang.
over sangat!
upload gambar gedik2 ngan kapel,
ingat orang suka la?
kalau sebijik dua takpe jugak,
ni dah penuh timeline tau tak!
naik menyampah tengok!
tak tau la orang tapi kalau aku, aku memang menyampah tahap gorilla nak berak bata,
kenapa aku cakap macam ni?
ohhh aku jeles ke???
sumpah tak!
aku peduli ape kalau aku single pun,
janji aku happy,
yang aku tengok kapel2 gaduh2,
siap merayu kat FB kata "please don't leave me s****g"
OMG! please la...
sampai personal problems pun masuk FB ape kes???
aku suka perbesarkan hal kecik?
ehhh sukati aku la!
rasa ni ludah2 kat blog ni?
ludah le...
tak kisah pun.
skrin korang jugak yang bau air liur,
korang jugak yang kena bersihkan,
aku chill je...
bla bla bla..

wahhh...macam marah je bang! rileks la bang...ishhhh
aku tak marah ok!...
bila tengok orang kapel tapi ada pasangan yang ambik kesempatan ni aku rasa bertanggungjawab pulak.
ambik kesempatan macam mana tu?
yela, dah ada orang suka kat dia,
ikhlas pulak tu,
boleh pulak dia gunakan orang tu untuk kepentingan dia...
tak kisah la dari segi apa.
yang aku tau aku rasa nak slow talk dengan orang yang kena peralat ni,
tapi masalahnya aku tak tau nak cakap apa.
aku bukan doktor cinta...ohhh
tapi tak baik la peralat orang ni...
yang sorang ni pun satu,
lurus sangat apehal?
excited sangat ada kapel?
excited takpe asal jangan terlebih excited sampai diri jadi mangsa...
banyak lagi masa beb,
sure jodoh kat tangan DIA,
memang betul kita kena usaha cari the one for us,
tapi sometimes kita kena let it flow naturally, slowly, and not to try too hard on it,
kalau dah jodoh takkan kemana,
kannnn...?
fikir2kanlah...

orang jadi bodoh bila bercinta.
betul ke?
yup, i think so...
hari ni korang takde BF/GF,
esok korang dapat sorang,
lusa korang break,
cuba bandingkan diri korang masa belum ada kapel, masa tengah berkapel, dan masa lepas berkapel.
ada beza tak? i bet ada...
after break baru korang fikir kenapa korang menjerumuskan diri dalam cinta bagai?
sedangkan masa single dulu korang dah happy.
cuba ingat balik benda yang korang buat untuk kapel korang masa bercinta,
korang rasa sweet?
yup, mula2 memang sweet lama2???who knows...
either korang yang berubah hati atau kapel korang yang dah muak dengan korang,
masa tu baru rasa bodoh sangat buat semua benda yang korang anggap "pengorbanan cinta" masa kapel tu.
berbelit pulak aku cakap..
anyway, try break dulu baru korang tau macam mana.
tapi kalau hubungan tu kekal,
ALHAMDULILLAH...

lastly aku nak cakap,
bukan tak percaya cinta,
aku bukan taknak bercinta langsung,
tapi love can wait man...
kalau hidup just nak menikmati cinta dari dulu aku dah kawin.
dah beranak sepuluh kot sekarang(subur sangat)
tapi chill la...nak sara anak orang tak mampu lagi tak payah mimpi nak kawin,
nak belanja awek pun fikir 10 kali.
yang dah puas bercinta tu untung la dah banyak pengalaman,
jadikan pengalaman tu untuk jadi lebih matang dalam hubungan,
yang sedang bercinta tu aku doakan korang bahagia, kekal lama,
kalau boleh sampai jinjang pelamin apa salahnya...INSYAALLAH.


sekian...

p/s tak sangka sangat aku boleh buat entry macam ni...panjang plak tu :)

frustration is the reason why!

time to turn to my blog...

i don't know what's happening to me lately,
i've been ignoring many things around me,
no to this,
no to that,
but when it comes to eating,
i'm gonna be the first to show interest...
yeah, i've been extremely eating a lot lately,
i don't know why...
to be somebody as skinny as me,
it's not easy to see us eat that much,
but i am really an exception...
am i an alien?
who knows...

yesterday i was mad,
today i was being furious!
and this is for U!
i was texting U today,
as pals!
what i wanna say is,
it's not easy for me to text U,
it's not easy to use those words,
it's not easy to reply your text...
let alone hanging around with U...
that's far far away from happening...
i swear!


that thing up there is one of the reasons why i was being mad, furious, and raging recently...
not to mention many other things that i...
hate to see,
hate to feel,
hate to have!
i don't care if nobody understands me,
i owns my heart, my brain, and my soul!
whatever i feel and think is my business...
screw what people think or say!
i'm done thinking about them and less prioritizing myself...

like i said,
ignorance is all i was doing lately,
do i care about people's feelings?
NO!
and most of all,
do i care about my feelings?
sadly NO!
i've been acting crazy,
i've been laughing all the way,
i've been pretending like i don't give a damn about things that i actually care much!
seriously i just wanna forget those things...
things that gave me so much pain and misery.
i wanna end it all...
i don't wanna see those people ever again.
how i wish i could transfer to another place,
place that i can start fresh!

right now i just wanna get home,
spend my time with family, and friends back in my hometown,
maybe they can help me,
maybe they can heal me,
maybe they can clear my head...

wait for me mukah,
wait for me my beloved village,
wait for me my friends,
wait for me guys!
i'll be home soon..

if GOD wills it...

fullstop...!

the truth is...

the truth is...
i hate being ignored!
when i talk,
i want people to hear to what i say...

the truth is...
i'm longing for attention!
though i act like i'm ignoring people's advises,
doesn't mean i don't want to them...

the truth is...
hate to hate,
i'm not perfect,
but i have opinions on my own,
perceptions about people,
i don't care if people hate me,
because when people talk about me,
that means i'm well known,
not famous,
no matter what trash they wanna talk about me...

the truth is...
i don't wanna be bad,
i am a good boy,
i've always been,
what changed me?
i just don't know...

the truth is...
i wanna be positive,
but the thing is,
when i'm being positive,
things turns negative,
all i get is sorrow...

the truth is...
i always lie,
lie to myself,
lie to my family,
lie to my friends,
lie to everyone around me,
i'm a hypocrite,
and i know it...

the truth is...
i'm lying to you guys,
i'm non of the above!
i'm just wasting my time,
trying to fill my "free" time,
by writing something,
for me to read,
for you to read,
and for everyone to read...

i'm busy now,
till next time!
=)

p/s seek the truth about you and you'll be surprise!

i learnt my lesson...really???

well look at the above FB status,

then look at the highlighted comment,

i didn't mean to make a joke here,

i didn't mean to be a model,

neither did i want joel(the person who comments) feel shame...

all i wanna say is i thank him for saying what he said,

thanx bro!

i've been so down lately,

had to make myself busy,

had to do crazy things,

just to get my mind off all those stuffs!

and went home tired,

thinking about nothing but sleep...

i've always been a mess,

and i just made myself a bigger mess!

i really feel like i've ruined myself...

but i have my reason(s) for doing all that.

reason(s) that only i know...

and i wanna say sorry,

i've been such a fuss,

i've been such a buzz,

i've been such a pest,

all because i was overwhelmed,

fear that i'm gonna be forgotten,

forgotten as always...

but i guess i was meant to be that person and i will always be...

sorry!!!

but i know i'm gonna be fine,

i survived all these while,

been in the same situation over and over again,

and i did get over it every single time...

don't u worry my dear...=)

p/s BTW, what joel meant by "jual ikan" is being selfish...=)

aku memotivate diri...lagi!

aku penat, aku fed up, aku give up!!!
aku tau aku tak guna satu sen,
aku tau aku bodoh,
aku tau aku tak layak nak dapat apa-apa,
aku sedar diri aku macam mana,
aku tau, tau tau!!!
tapi aku tau aku cuba,
aku tau aku buat yang tebaik,

apa yang aku tak tau,
kenapa orang tak faham?
aku tak mintak orang kesian kat aku,
aku tak mintak korang tolong aku buat macam-macam,
aku tak mintak korang bagi sweet-sweet words nak buat aku feel better,
aku nak satu je,
tolong la faham aku!

aku tau aku mamat emo,
selalu emosi,
terasa sana, terasa sini,
sentap sana, sentap sini,
merajuk sana, merajuk sini...
tapi itu aku...bak kata lady gaga "baby i was born this way"
aku takkan ubah diri aku.
TAKKAN!

bila ada masalah,
orang selalu fikir positif,
tapi aku selalu fikir negatif,
so what?
cara aku,
lantakakula!
if only by thinking negative can give me the drive to move on, i'll do it!
contoh?
kisahnya...

"aku suka kat kau, aku nak kau! aku try tunjuk apa yang aku rasa, tapi kau tak tunjuk respon...KENAPA???!!! U once told me that U like me, U love me, but now what happen to those feelings? now kau buat aku terkapai2...tergantung! aku tak faham, aku blur!!! aku tak fikir benda lain dah selain kau... aku sendiri tak faham kenapa aku jadi macam ni..."
"u know apa aku buat nak tenangkan diri? like i said, i think negatively like "dah la jey, bodo la kau ni"..."jey, kau macam sial je terhegeh2"..."malu la jey, kau tu dah la macam tu"..."ok fine aku tau aku mamat sial"..."jey, ingat kau sape?"

so?
aku salahkan diri aku for whatever happen...
aku tak tau nak salahkan orang,
aku tak tau nak marah,
aku memang macam ni...



p/s ... =(

telling YOU, telling ME...

apa yang aku rasa sekarang?

aku nak lari!

sumpah nak lari...

lari jauh2...

jauh dari masyarakat bising...

jauh dari masyarakat "cantik"

jauh dari masyarakat "hebat"

tapi aku tau, aku tak boleh...

semakin aku lari,

semakin masalah mengejar, 

semakin aku sembunyi,

semakin beban mencari...

aku tau,

aku faham, 

masalah takkan sudah kalau aku lari,

aku lari, 

maknanya aku pengecut, 

maknanya aku penakut,

maknanya aku BODOH!

walau terasa diri tak dihargai,

tak berguna,

itu semua hanyalah khayalan, 

hanyalah mainan perasaan...

aku sedar,

TUHAN memberikan ujian,

ujian yang lebih sukar berbanding orang lain...

ya, aku terima...

namun tak bermakna aku kuat...

aku akui, aku tak pernah menang melawan perasaan...

aku selalu tewas!

tapi apakan daya, 

aku manusia lemah...tak pandai menjaga diri...

senang tergoda, terpengaruh...

itu luahan hatiku...

p/s sorry kalau korang rasa nak muntah baca entry ni...this is what happen if i write in Malay...it become so JIWANG... which is why i don't really like to write in Malay. not to say Malay is not beautiful or i don't like Malay, but it's just that i'm not used to write such "flowery" words...

=) peace!

aku mencarut...

hari ni aku hantar kawan aku g melaka sentral...nak balik dungun. dia sorang je.kesian...takpe fill, ada ms aku g sana k! time tunggu tu ada plak nampak sorang mamat ni...jalan huyung-hayang macam nak langgar orang, mata merah. 1st impression aku, "WHAT THE HELL NGN MAMAT NI? MABUK KE TGH HIGH???" aku ngn member aku dok tengok je gelagat dia...

pastu bas pun sampai, member aku naik, then aku ngn member aku yg lg sorang pun blah...singgah mydin. aku cakap aku tak penah g mydin, so aku try la masuk...1st time weyh! hahaha...
tengah dok belek2 barang tu, member aku bgtau, "him again"...then aku tengok...laaa, mamat tadi lagi!
datang dekat aku plak tuh... mula2 aku buat bodo je tapi pastu tiba2 dia tanya something, pastu tanya lagi dan lagi... WTH???!

yang aku pelik, aku plak tetiba gatal nak tanya psl mata dia yang merah semacam tu... "mata ko kenapa?" then dia jawab, RABUN...rabun??? seriously??? aku tengok macam tgh stim! kahkahkah!!!

ok, apa motif aku story pasal mamat tu? mamat yang member aku anti semacam, tapi aku takde isu ngn dia...
well, aku actually suka berkawan ngn orang bermasalah...
tapi aku jenis yang pilih orang,
aku suka orang yang bermaslah, tp a LONER! yang suka jalan sorang2,
bukan nak kata aku nak jadi macam dia,
bukan juga nak kata aku nak tolong dia kembali ke pangkal jalan (ayat tak bleh blah)
tapi there's something about these people yang buat aku rasa nak approach diorang...
rasa mcm ada connection??? YES!
yes, deep inside aku rasa aku sama je macam diorang,
but luckily aku tak jadi macam diorang,
coz i was taught and raised pretty well by my family...
so whatever problem melanda, aku buat tak tau...
tapi makin aku membesar, a.k.a meningkat dewasa, aku sedar yang aku tak boleh ketepikan masalah aku...
so makin lama aku rasa nak memberontak sangat!
nak try semua benda gila out there! tak kisah la apa...janji aku nak jadi bad ass!
tapi bila teringat family, aku fikir 2 3 kali...last2 aku tak buat pun apa yang aku fikir...
ya, aku berbeza dgn mamat tadi, aku berbeza dgn org lain...sgt tak sama!
mamat tadi takde siapa nak save dia dari jadi macam tu...
benda tu buat aku rasa kesian...kalau boleh aku nak temankan dia.
aku tau banyak benda yang dia nak luahkan,
dia perlukan seseorang,
tapi bila dia perhatikan kat sekeliling,
takde sape2 nak dgr dia mengadu...
aku faham...faham sangat!
that's why aku suka berkawan dgn org macam tu...
bila tengok diorang ni slalu sorang2,
aku teringat diri aku...
rasa macam tak nak ada orang lain yang senasib dgn aku...
at least kalau aku approach diorang, be friends with them,
hopefully they will not feel lonely anymore...
so that they know how to move on...
aku rapat dgn family, tapi tak bermakna rapat dalam segala hal...
aku tak pernah berani nak kongsi masalah dgn family,
apatah lagi dgn orang luar...
sorang2, sunyi sgt...
tu la reason aku tak nak ada manusia jadi macam aku...
tak tau mistake kat mana,
aku langsung tak tau mcm mana nak luahkan masalah kat orang,
maybe sebab masalah aku terlalu private utk aku ceritakan...makan masa...
tapi aku suka dgr masalah orang...
rasa diri berguna sgt bila ada orang perlukan aku walaupun just untuk dgr dia mencarut...
sebab aku rasa diperlukan...
but above all,
aku tau, one day aku takkan diperlukan lagi...
before that time come,
i want to live my life like there's no tomorrow!
i want to enjoy it!
coz i know, when that day finally arrive,
i will be lonely again...
just like before...
that's the fact,
that will never change...
my fate perhaps...

sekian...

p/s aku actually langsung takde mood...sentap tau tak!!!
=(

confession

i don't know what to say anymore...sometimes its better if i'm just silent and let things goes by, without me trying to get involved. cause when i got involve, i messed up! i screwed up! i hate it!!!

right now i'm confuse...for a very long time, i've been thinking that loving people that doesn't love me back is a damn useless thing. but U know what? i never learnt the lesson. i keep on doing the same mistake over and over again. seriously, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME???!!! i guess i'm just too naive to be thinking that someone would really fall into me...a guy like me! yes, i'm one hell exclusive, unique and the one and only, but does that mean anything? a question i never dare to answer...

who's to be blamed? is it me? or is it the person who's making me fall into them? or is it anyone else?

more confusing when there's somebody giving U mix signals...he/she wants to be your friend and that's that. but at the same time jealous seeing U getting close to someone else. what does that mean?

U, yes U, please answer me???!!! i really need your answer!

do U like me or not? do U love me or not? do U want me to be your boyfriend or not?

i'm really confuse!!!

U've been messing with my mind, and my feelings...

but U know what?

U really changed me...

i once think that i'm JUST gonna be flirting with U, that i'm NOT gonna take U seriously, that i'm JUST having fun with U...

but then, i noticed that what i thought was wrong...

my mind changed! saying that i'm NOT going to be just flirting with U, that i'm GONNA take U seriously, and that i'm NOT gonna just having fun with U.

i love U so much that i don't have the guts to fool around like i always did before...U are like a "strainer" to me. when i try to flirt away, my mind stopped me, telling me that U are going to be mad with what i am doing...it really make me feel guilty.

can't U see? i'm really in to U...

i will be waiting...

but if U still can't accept me,

i hope time will cure me...FAST!