My history with feelings hasn't been a lot. i grew up pretty messy since i felt that i was a little neglected and far away from the others including my family. back in school, i was like a little "island" at the small corner of the class. nobody has ever really wanted to talk or hang out with me. it was frustrating but i knew that i had to handle those kinds of things in order to survive. so, i ignored whatever i felt even though i really want to feel them. over time, i got used to it and that was the reason i had never showed my emotions especially in front of other people. i know it sounds crazy, but what i've been doing for the past few years was necessary. well, at least that is what i think. however, everything seems to have changed in the past few months. i let my emotions took over me, i let my guard down, and most of all, i let myself vulnerable. i started to feel love and it feels good. but what hurts the most is missing someone. i never realize it at first, but when it got worse, i started to feel the pain. and what's more painful is when nobody really cares about what i feel. it sucks! it really is. so, i tried to get back to the old me in order to save myself from drowning further, knowing that it's not easy. i can never turn back to who i was before.
It's pretty amazing how a few months could change what you have been working for your whole life. a few months can either change you to be a better person, or destroys you in just a blink of an eye. but many people say that change is a good thing, no matter how positive or negative that change is. it is a process of moving on, elevating ourselves to the next level...~
*all stories adalah rekaan semata-mata dan tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup atau yang telah mati
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