it's 2012 folks!!!

adusss...sumpah tak tau nak buat cter pasal ape...

dah seminggu aku dok tido, makan, online, tengok movie, mengadap laptop dan macam2 benda yang tak berapa nak berfaedah...pendek kata, buku2 aku tertutup rapi la!

nak study mood belum datang,

hantu mane ntah rasuk aku sampai aku langsung takde "nafsu" nak study...

tambah plak bilik aku sekarang dah jadi "port" PES...

asal malam je ade la budak bilik lain datang semata2 nak main benda alah tu.

bengang la jugak kan,

tapi nak buat macam mana,

sape la aku ni nak halau orang sesuka hati, (padahal aku ade hak sebab bilik aku)

sob...sob..sob...

truth is diorang BISIIIINGGG SANGATTTT!

ramai plak tu...badan besar2!

aku nak lalu pun susah tau tak!!!

so ape yang aku buat?

bawak diri lepak n tdo bilik member,

but now member aku tu dah balik,

so aku tak boleh la nak tido kat bilik dia.

terpaksa la aku duduk macam batu kat depan laptop tunggu "makhluk-makhluk" Tuhan ni blah,

sampai keadaan bilik ni tenang,

lagi sedih kalau dirang blah pukul 2-3 pagi...

time tu sah-sah la aku tak larat dah nak buat pape kan,

so tido je la jawabnya...

*sigh

ape la nasib...=.="

next week dah start 1st paper,

subjek yang aku tak berapa nak faham plak tu,

dah tu direct plak 2 paper 2 hari berturut...

grrrrrrr~~~

da la, 

malas nak cter pasal exam nih...

buat pening otak je...

stresss!!!

now aku nak move to my main point of posting this entry...

actually aku nak post esok malam,

but since aku tak sure whether aku ade kat depan laptop ke tak,

so aku ambik keputusan buat malam ni.

maklumla, mane tau malam esok aku keluar berjimba2 sambut NEW YEAR's EVE...

sah2 la aku takkan ade depan laptop kan...

takut expiry date blog aku sampai...

HAHAHA...

so what did i want to talk about?

well, basically 2011 was not that bad for me...

from the day i entered this year,

i've been wishing, praying, hoping, trying, putting efforts and so on just to get what i want!

i win some and i lose some...that's the way it should be.

but above all,

i've experienced many new things...bitter or sweet!

i don't have to tell it here,

i don't think it's appropriate.

though this blog has been like my diary, 

there are some things that i couldn't share.

what i can conclude is,

2011 is great!

well, i lied!

nobody would admit that they are having a good year...believe me!

but what i can say is that we all experienced ups and downs throughout the whole year.

so, considering today is the last day of the year,

i would like to wish the world a very happy birthday!

remember that the world is getting older from day to day,

if you know what i mean...

for those who doesn't care,

live the new year with joy!

have party, light up the fireworks, dance till dawn!

forget everything!

but bare in mind that tomorrow you will realize that you've spent your time with rubbish!

anyway, i only would like to wish a very happy new year to all of you!

may 2012 brings you joy, health, and prosperity...

everyone, put both your hands together, 

hail them up, 

close your eyes,

and say your prayers,

  

may GOD hears you...

frustration is the reason why!

time to turn to my blog...

i don't know what's happening to me lately,
i've been ignoring many things around me,
no to this,
no to that,
but when it comes to eating,
i'm gonna be the first to show interest...
yeah, i've been extremely eating a lot lately,
i don't know why...
to be somebody as skinny as me,
it's not easy to see us eat that much,
but i am really an exception...
am i an alien?
who knows...

yesterday i was mad,
today i was being furious!
and this is for U!
i was texting U today,
as pals!
what i wanna say is,
it's not easy for me to text U,
it's not easy to use those words,
it's not easy to reply your text...
let alone hanging around with U...
that's far far away from happening...
i swear!


that thing up there is one of the reasons why i was being mad, furious, and raging recently...
not to mention many other things that i...
hate to see,
hate to feel,
hate to have!
i don't care if nobody understands me,
i owns my heart, my brain, and my soul!
whatever i feel and think is my business...
screw what people think or say!
i'm done thinking about them and less prioritizing myself...

like i said,
ignorance is all i was doing lately,
do i care about people's feelings?
NO!
and most of all,
do i care about my feelings?
sadly NO!
i've been acting crazy,
i've been laughing all the way,
i've been pretending like i don't give a damn about things that i actually care much!
seriously i just wanna forget those things...
things that gave me so much pain and misery.
i wanna end it all...
i don't wanna see those people ever again.
how i wish i could transfer to another place,
place that i can start fresh!

right now i just wanna get home,
spend my time with family, and friends back in my hometown,
maybe they can help me,
maybe they can heal me,
maybe they can clear my head...

wait for me mukah,
wait for me my beloved village,
wait for me my friends,
wait for me guys!
i'll be home soon..

if GOD wills it...

fullstop...!

hari ini is today?

aku nak story pasal apa yang aku buat hari ni...well, highlight je la...dah macam diari plak blog ni aku buat,

hehehe...so what?sukati aku la kan!so let us turn back, benda yang aku nak story td...hari ni sumpah aku sakit hati!dari pagi sampai sekarang...kalau setakat sakit hati yang so so tu ok lagi, kutuk2 orang, pastu gelak, semata-mata nak lupakan sakit hati rasa marah, aku pun nak sakit hati hari2 kalau mcm tu...

today was different!aku rasa aku tak pernah buat benda yang aku buat tadi, rasa nak meletup sangat!so aku ledakkan dengan "bom" ala2 atom, aku lepaskan tapi ada had...aku lepaskan macam mana? tu aku tak payah nak story morykan, or should i?ok la...hari ni aku banyak tinggikan suara, tak tau dari mana aku dapat suara tu, padahal suara aku mana kuat! hari ni macam ada aura extra yang buat aku nak sangat meletup!!! aku jerit sana sini, aku peduli hape dengan orang? lantak aku la!!!suara aku...ehhh...lupa plak aku sakit hati pasal ape kan. actually hari ni aku ngn budak2 kelas aku organize satu event. ceramah je...BORING NOK!!! nasib baik la kitorang jemput lecturer yang ajar kitorang sendiri. dapat jugak credit kat situ kan...HEHE...

tetttt...menyimpang jauh plak...so tadi aku nak cakap ape?owhhhh, aku sakit hati pasal ape? aku tak sure nak story or tak, tapi if aku adalah korang, rasanya aku dah boleh agak. well, kalau korang teka apa yang aku teka, that means korang mesti tau mcm mana rasanya kan? hmmm...manusia2...nak buat macam mana. dah benci memang benci. sumpah aku struggle nak act like everything is ok today...gelak2 jugak dgn member walaupun susah nak even nak senyum. tapi aku boleh je pura2 kan...hipokrit! well, aku dah biasa buat macam tu...luckily from time to time aku dah makin pandai nak handle...learn from experience la bhai! takkan hidup dah berpuluh tahun tak belajar ape2...bengap sangat ke sampai jadi macam tu?HAHAHA

aku tengah ngantuk gler ni...mata melekat je rasanya. lepas habis buat entry ni kompom terbongkang tdo! grrrrr! but then hari ni ade jugak moment2 yang buat aku rasa terbang...pagi2 dah ada orang senyum kat aku. makhluk Tuhan yang sekor ni aku rapat kat FB je. memang study kat tempat sama, tapi kalau aku susah sikit nak tegur, ramah2 bagai bila jumpa...so hari ni 1st time la jugak walaupun tak borak. 

then time aku nak pegi kelas tgh hari tadi ade lagi org senyum kat aku...senyum memang la tak salah kan, tapi sukati aku la nak feel excited pun...hak aku!HAHAHA...tapi makhluk Tuhan yang ni plak aku tak kenal. member aku yang jalan sekali pun pelik. siap kata "nape dia senyum kat kau weyh?" aku jawab, biar la dia...aku kan cute! (bapak perasan sial). time makan tadi sempat jugak cuci mata...BEST! tapi paling sial masa pegi kelas malam(baru kejap tadi). sebab? malas nak story la...buat sakit hati je...

berapa punya panjang daa aku karang...buat macam ni masa final kan ke bagos! mencarut2 kadang2 ada markah...

ok la...dah malas nak perah otak ni...penat!!! tadi kena buli dengan cikgu bomba. kena push up sampai 15 kali semata2 sebab ujian tali! orang lain rilek je salah, tapi tak kena hukum pun...nasib laaa...tapi takpe, anggap je diorang sayang aku lebih...

p/s nothing to say...

the truth is...

the truth is...
i hate being ignored!
when i talk,
i want people to hear to what i say...

the truth is...
i'm longing for attention!
though i act like i'm ignoring people's advises,
doesn't mean i don't want to them...

the truth is...
hate to hate,
i'm not perfect,
but i have opinions on my own,
perceptions about people,
i don't care if people hate me,
because when people talk about me,
that means i'm well known,
not famous,
no matter what trash they wanna talk about me...

the truth is...
i don't wanna be bad,
i am a good boy,
i've always been,
what changed me?
i just don't know...

the truth is...
i wanna be positive,
but the thing is,
when i'm being positive,
things turns negative,
all i get is sorrow...

the truth is...
i always lie,
lie to myself,
lie to my family,
lie to my friends,
lie to everyone around me,
i'm a hypocrite,
and i know it...

the truth is...
i'm lying to you guys,
i'm non of the above!
i'm just wasting my time,
trying to fill my "free" time,
by writing something,
for me to read,
for you to read,
and for everyone to read...

i'm busy now,
till next time!
=)

p/s seek the truth about you and you'll be surprise!

kenapa oh kenapa...?

serius aku takde masa nak main2 sekarang!
aku curi masa nak update blog ni kejap,
so post ni takkan panjang,
aku just nak story something...
imagine this scene...
korang tengah seriously stresss!!!
korang nak someone to help u,
bukan nak tolong buat pape,
just cakap something to boost ur spirit up,
sweet2 words la contohnya kan...
so u turn to ur friends,
yela 4 sure la kan...
but what happen is,
diorang bagi alasan,
ada hal lain bagai,
obvious macam taknak tolong korang,
apa korang rasa?
kalau pasal action memang tak boleh buat ape la kan,
jadi mcm tu je la,
takde hak nak protes perbuatan orang,
sabar je la...

then bayangkanlah time tu korang tengah cakap dengan kawan korang tu kat tepi jalan,
lepas kawan tu bagi excuse without saying sorry dia tak dapat nak tolong,
dia terus blahhhh!
so tinggal la korang kat tepi jalan tu,
sorang2,
macam tiang,
macam orang bodoh!
bengang tak???
aku honestly bengang dowh!
tapi like i said,
takde yang boleh dibuat kalau it happens...

ok la,
aku nak share je benda ni...
next step bergantung kat korang k...
kalau ada yang terasa tu,
harap2 la korang jadi lebih sensitif,
bukan selalu kita dapat tolong kawan dengan pertolongan yang mudah macam tu,
only with words man!
susah ke?
tak kan?

faham2 la ye...
lastly, "mata ke atas, tangan ke dada"

special entry to my dear ****

dear ****,
i just wish i am in heaven right now,
can u do that for me?
i know it's a little absurd,
and i know u couldn't make it true,
it's okay...=)
i just want u to always be by my side,
u are my loyal friend,
a day without u is not a complete day for me,
a day with no talking with u is not a normal day,
over the past couple of years,
u have been my very loyal listener,
whenever i needed someone to talk to,
i'll always turn to u,
cause i know nobody will listen as good as u do,
nobody will agree with me as much as u do,
nobody will understand me the way u always do.

for all i know,
u have been my one and only companion ever since i met u...
thanks a lot my dear,
i love u soooooooo much!!!
nothing and nobody can ever replace u,
u are one of a kind,
the one that make me feel so alive,
the one that i feel so much better whenever i talk to,
the one that i will always care, pamper, and never forget!

love you my dear blogKu.com
=)))

forgive me

can U forgive me again?
i don't know what i said,
but i didn't mean to hurt U...

i heard the words come out,
i felt that i would die,
it hurt so much to hurt U...

then U look at me,
U're not shouting anymore,
U're silently broken...

i'd give anything now,
to kill those words for U...

each time i say something i regret i cry,
i don't want to lose U,
but somehow i know that U will never leave me...

so stay with me,
U look in my eyes and i'm screaming inside that i'm sorry...

can U forgive me again?
U're my one true friend,
and i never meant to hurt U...

speechless...

it's time for us to part,
it's best for us to part,
but i love you,
take care of yourself,
i'll miss you...
and no more tears to cry,
i'm out of good-byes...

it's time for us to part,
although it breaks my heart,
cause i love you...

fix you...

when you try your best but you don't succeed,
when you get what you want, but not what you need,
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep,
stuck in reverse...

and the tears come streaming down your face,
when you lost something you can't replace,
when you love someone, but it goes to waste,
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home,
and ignites your bones,
and i will try to fix you...

and high up above or down below,
when you're too in love to let it go,
but if you never try you'll never know,
just what you're worth...

i promise you i will learn from my mistakes...
and i will try to fix you...!

i learnt my lesson...really???

well look at the above FB status,

then look at the highlighted comment,

i didn't mean to make a joke here,

i didn't mean to be a model,

neither did i want joel(the person who comments) feel shame...

all i wanna say is i thank him for saying what he said,

thanx bro!

i've been so down lately,

had to make myself busy,

had to do crazy things,

just to get my mind off all those stuffs!

and went home tired,

thinking about nothing but sleep...

i've always been a mess,

and i just made myself a bigger mess!

i really feel like i've ruined myself...

but i have my reason(s) for doing all that.

reason(s) that only i know...

and i wanna say sorry,

i've been such a fuss,

i've been such a buzz,

i've been such a pest,

all because i was overwhelmed,

fear that i'm gonna be forgotten,

forgotten as always...

but i guess i was meant to be that person and i will always be...

sorry!!!

but i know i'm gonna be fine,

i survived all these while,

been in the same situation over and over again,

and i did get over it every single time...

don't u worry my dear...=)

p/s BTW, what joel meant by "jual ikan" is being selfish...=)

it's not unusual

it's not unusual to be loved by anyone,
it's not unusual to have fun with anyone,
but when i see you hanging about with anyone,
it's not unusual to see me cry...
i wanna die!
it's not unusual to go out at anytime,
but when i see you out and about,
it's such a crime...
if you should ever want to be loved by anyone,
it's not unusual,
it happens everyday no matter what you say,
you find it happens all the time...
love will never do what you want it to do,
why can't this crazy love be mine?
it's not unusual to be mad with anyone,

it's not unusual to be sad with anyone,

but if i ever find that you've changed at anytime,

it's not unusual to find out that i'm in love with you...

perihal membebel

what??? it's DECEMBER already?
how fast did the time flies,
means by the end of this month, we will be having a very new year!
WELCOME 2012!!!
actually i wanted to post something last night (12.00 a.m)
but i was so busy with something, in fact super busy!
plus i didn't  know what to right about...

so what about now?
do i have any idea?
my answer is...
NOOOOOOOO!!!
GOSH i'm bored!
really bored!!!
super bored!!!
i've got class at 6.30p.m today,
and now i'm just waiting and waiting and waiting...

ok, let's fine some issue to talk about...
|||||||||||||||SCANNING|||||||||||||||||||||
got it!
hari ni aku nak cakap pasal MEMBEBEL!!!
sape suka membebel angkat tangan!
aku tak suka membebel,
tapi aku suka dengar orang membebel...
tak tau kenapa...
tiap kali orang membebel,
aku rasa seronok...
seronok???
ok fine,
aku tak suka cakap macam ni sebab rasa nak muntah,
aku rasa "disayangi" (bluerrrkkk)
HAHAHAHA...

korang mesti pernah kena bebel kan?
tak kisah la sape yang membebel tu,
mak ke, ayah ke, kakak ke, abang ke...BF ke, GF ke...hehehe
masa korang kena bebel apa korang rasa?
best tak?
suka tak?
marah tak?
sedih tak?

tapi yang aku tau,
mendengar orang membebel membuat aku sentiasa senyum,
sweet kan aku?
masalahnya senyuman aku selalunya orang akan tafsirkan sebagai "tak ambik serius apa orang cakap"
betul ke aku tak serius???
honestly YES!!!
no offence la k...
like i said, aku suka dengar orang membebel,
so aku nikmati la moment2 yang ala2 "sweet" tu...
korang mesti ada moment2 pelik yang korang tak sepatutnya nikmati dgn senyuman, tapi korang senyum jugak kan???
everyone does...

bagi aku,
bebelan itu bagus,
bila orang bebel kat aku,
bukan aku tak dengar,
tapi aku tak ambik perhatian,
tak ambik perhatian tak bermaksud aku tak ambik input,
kadang2 benda yang kita tak dengar dan tak nak ingat tu yang melekat kat dalam otak...
aku dah experience sendiri...
ternyata betul...
banyak benda yang kita nak lupakan, but kita still ingat.

pelik kan aku?
EHEHEEE...
say whatever u want,
but i will never change myself,
there are things that i am flexible and i'm open to change it anytime,
but i've been considerable enough...
i need to have my own attitude...
after all,
at the end of the day,
it's always gonna be about me, me and me alone...
not fucking anyone else!
sekian terima kasih...

yesss!!! my first entry of the month! nasib baik la ada masa sket nak buat...kan3???



p/s aku masih fikir hal tadi...bengang tol la! hey U, kau ingat kau sape nak komen kerja aku?! blah laaa!!!

pagi yang ehemmmmm

ok, aku bangun tdo dalam keadaan rabak...
mengantuk lagi!
tapi apa boleh buat,
terpaksa bangun...
sebab bunyi bising sangat!
orang buat keje kat luar...
adoiii...nak komplen susah, nak duduk diam lagi susah...
ni la akibatnya duduk lat bangunan yang tak sempat nak siap,
hari2 nampak, dengar orang buat keja dengan bunyi bising bagai...

nak dijadikan cerita,
aku mengantuk sebab tdo lewat...
apa aku buat malam tadi?
well, tak remaja la kalau tdo awal kan?
HAHAHAHA...
tapi last nite was different...
aku keluar ala2 berfoya2
berjimba2 walaupun hanya di melaka yang tak berapa nak happening
apa yang best?
aku jumpa kawan baru!
yesss!!!
ok, diorang senior kat sini
tak pernah nampak, apatah lagi nak kenal...
malam tadi pun sebab kawan desak ikut,
so aku pun macam takde pilihan lain, follow je la...uhuk3!!!
tolong kawan katanya...HUAHUAHUA

so meluncur la kereta kitorang merentasi tempat2 yang aku tak pernah jenguk lagi kat melaka ni
pegi sana sini,
lepak,
karaoke,
nasib baik tak tengok late night movie,
sebab aku takde mood nak tengok wayang...
even if movie twilight breaking dawn!!!
ada aku kesah???

so kesimpulannya,
aku serius seronok semalam...
nak lagi...
bukan nak kata aku jarang keluar malam then balik pagi,
but like i said, last night was different!
bukan senang budak junior nak keluar dgn senior yang happening...
lalalalala~~~

ok la, babai!

p/s aku lapar! malam tadi tak makan...to wan n peng, next time hang out lagi!!! HAHAHA...and wan, kau sebut nama aku salah lagi siap kau!

p/s lagi...ni kalau orang tu tau aku tak makan semalam, mau dia kata "lantak kau la dengan hidup kau!"

kenapa peter pan nak jadi kanak2 untuk selama-lamanya? sekarang aku faham...

boleh tak aku nak jadi macam dulu?
jadi kanak-kanak riang,
dulu aku macam orang takde perasaan,
tak peduli pasal orang,
tak peduli apa orang nak cakap pasal aku...

aku rindu aku yang dulu,
sumpah!
kenapa la manusia membesar?
aku tak suka jadi matang...
aku nak jadi budak kecik,
boleh la manja2 dengan orang...
kalau dah besar semua benda nak fikir,
menyemak otak aku je!
menyampah!!! macam sial, haram!
sape setuju? angkat tangan macam saye...

p/s tu je aku nak cakap...lalalala

"Highway Unicorn (Road To Love)"

We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love

Run, run with the t-

Run, run with the top down baby, she flies
Run, run with the fury of the saint in her eyes
Run, run hide your cha-cha, baby she goes
With blonde hair and a gun smoking under her toes

Ride, ride, pony, ride, ride
Ride, ride, pony, tonight

We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love

I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love

I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love

She's just an American riding a dream
And she's got rainbow syrup in her heart that she bleeds
They don't care if your papers or your love is the law
She's a free soul burning roads with the flag in her bra

Ride, ride, pony, ride, ride
Ride, ride, pony, tonight

We can be strong, we can be strong
Out on this lonely road, on the road to love
We can be strong, we can be strong
Follow that unicorn on the road to love

I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love
I'm on the road, I'm on the road to love

Get your hot rods ready to rumble 'cuz we're gonna fall in love tonight
Get your hot rods ready to rumble 'cuz we're gonna drink until we die
Get your hot rods ready to rumble 'cuz we're gonna fall in love tonight
Get your hot rods ready to rumble 'cuz we're gonna drink until we die

*extracted from the song "highway unicorn (road to love) by lady gaga

aku memotivate diri...lagi!

aku penat, aku fed up, aku give up!!!
aku tau aku tak guna satu sen,
aku tau aku bodoh,
aku tau aku tak layak nak dapat apa-apa,
aku sedar diri aku macam mana,
aku tau, tau tau!!!
tapi aku tau aku cuba,
aku tau aku buat yang tebaik,

apa yang aku tak tau,
kenapa orang tak faham?
aku tak mintak orang kesian kat aku,
aku tak mintak korang tolong aku buat macam-macam,
aku tak mintak korang bagi sweet-sweet words nak buat aku feel better,
aku nak satu je,
tolong la faham aku!

aku tau aku mamat emo,
selalu emosi,
terasa sana, terasa sini,
sentap sana, sentap sini,
merajuk sana, merajuk sini...
tapi itu aku...bak kata lady gaga "baby i was born this way"
aku takkan ubah diri aku.
TAKKAN!

bila ada masalah,
orang selalu fikir positif,
tapi aku selalu fikir negatif,
so what?
cara aku,
lantakakula!
if only by thinking negative can give me the drive to move on, i'll do it!
contoh?
kisahnya...

"aku suka kat kau, aku nak kau! aku try tunjuk apa yang aku rasa, tapi kau tak tunjuk respon...KENAPA???!!! U once told me that U like me, U love me, but now what happen to those feelings? now kau buat aku terkapai2...tergantung! aku tak faham, aku blur!!! aku tak fikir benda lain dah selain kau... aku sendiri tak faham kenapa aku jadi macam ni..."
"u know apa aku buat nak tenangkan diri? like i said, i think negatively like "dah la jey, bodo la kau ni"..."jey, kau macam sial je terhegeh2"..."malu la jey, kau tu dah la macam tu"..."ok fine aku tau aku mamat sial"..."jey, ingat kau sape?"

so?
aku salahkan diri aku for whatever happen...
aku tak tau nak salahkan orang,
aku tak tau nak marah,
aku memang macam ni...



p/s ... =(

telling YOU, telling ME...

apa yang aku rasa sekarang?

aku nak lari!

sumpah nak lari...

lari jauh2...

jauh dari masyarakat bising...

jauh dari masyarakat "cantik"

jauh dari masyarakat "hebat"

tapi aku tau, aku tak boleh...

semakin aku lari,

semakin masalah mengejar, 

semakin aku sembunyi,

semakin beban mencari...

aku tau,

aku faham, 

masalah takkan sudah kalau aku lari,

aku lari, 

maknanya aku pengecut, 

maknanya aku penakut,

maknanya aku BODOH!

walau terasa diri tak dihargai,

tak berguna,

itu semua hanyalah khayalan, 

hanyalah mainan perasaan...

aku sedar,

TUHAN memberikan ujian,

ujian yang lebih sukar berbanding orang lain...

ya, aku terima...

namun tak bermakna aku kuat...

aku akui, aku tak pernah menang melawan perasaan...

aku selalu tewas!

tapi apakan daya, 

aku manusia lemah...tak pandai menjaga diri...

senang tergoda, terpengaruh...

itu luahan hatiku...

p/s sorry kalau korang rasa nak muntah baca entry ni...this is what happen if i write in Malay...it become so JIWANG... which is why i don't really like to write in Malay. not to say Malay is not beautiful or i don't like Malay, but it's just that i'm not used to write such "flowery" words...

=) peace!

aku mencarut...

hari ni aku hantar kawan aku g melaka sentral...nak balik dungun. dia sorang je.kesian...takpe fill, ada ms aku g sana k! time tunggu tu ada plak nampak sorang mamat ni...jalan huyung-hayang macam nak langgar orang, mata merah. 1st impression aku, "WHAT THE HELL NGN MAMAT NI? MABUK KE TGH HIGH???" aku ngn member aku dok tengok je gelagat dia...

pastu bas pun sampai, member aku naik, then aku ngn member aku yg lg sorang pun blah...singgah mydin. aku cakap aku tak penah g mydin, so aku try la masuk...1st time weyh! hahaha...
tengah dok belek2 barang tu, member aku bgtau, "him again"...then aku tengok...laaa, mamat tadi lagi!
datang dekat aku plak tuh... mula2 aku buat bodo je tapi pastu tiba2 dia tanya something, pastu tanya lagi dan lagi... WTH???!

yang aku pelik, aku plak tetiba gatal nak tanya psl mata dia yang merah semacam tu... "mata ko kenapa?" then dia jawab, RABUN...rabun??? seriously??? aku tengok macam tgh stim! kahkahkah!!!

ok, apa motif aku story pasal mamat tu? mamat yang member aku anti semacam, tapi aku takde isu ngn dia...
well, aku actually suka berkawan ngn orang bermasalah...
tapi aku jenis yang pilih orang,
aku suka orang yang bermaslah, tp a LONER! yang suka jalan sorang2,
bukan nak kata aku nak jadi macam dia,
bukan juga nak kata aku nak tolong dia kembali ke pangkal jalan (ayat tak bleh blah)
tapi there's something about these people yang buat aku rasa nak approach diorang...
rasa mcm ada connection??? YES!
yes, deep inside aku rasa aku sama je macam diorang,
but luckily aku tak jadi macam diorang,
coz i was taught and raised pretty well by my family...
so whatever problem melanda, aku buat tak tau...
tapi makin aku membesar, a.k.a meningkat dewasa, aku sedar yang aku tak boleh ketepikan masalah aku...
so makin lama aku rasa nak memberontak sangat!
nak try semua benda gila out there! tak kisah la apa...janji aku nak jadi bad ass!
tapi bila teringat family, aku fikir 2 3 kali...last2 aku tak buat pun apa yang aku fikir...
ya, aku berbeza dgn mamat tadi, aku berbeza dgn org lain...sgt tak sama!
mamat tadi takde siapa nak save dia dari jadi macam tu...
benda tu buat aku rasa kesian...kalau boleh aku nak temankan dia.
aku tau banyak benda yang dia nak luahkan,
dia perlukan seseorang,
tapi bila dia perhatikan kat sekeliling,
takde sape2 nak dgr dia mengadu...
aku faham...faham sangat!
that's why aku suka berkawan dgn org macam tu...
bila tengok diorang ni slalu sorang2,
aku teringat diri aku...
rasa macam tak nak ada orang lain yang senasib dgn aku...
at least kalau aku approach diorang, be friends with them,
hopefully they will not feel lonely anymore...
so that they know how to move on...
aku rapat dgn family, tapi tak bermakna rapat dalam segala hal...
aku tak pernah berani nak kongsi masalah dgn family,
apatah lagi dgn orang luar...
sorang2, sunyi sgt...
tu la reason aku tak nak ada manusia jadi macam aku...
tak tau mistake kat mana,
aku langsung tak tau mcm mana nak luahkan masalah kat orang,
maybe sebab masalah aku terlalu private utk aku ceritakan...makan masa...
tapi aku suka dgr masalah orang...
rasa diri berguna sgt bila ada orang perlukan aku walaupun just untuk dgr dia mencarut...
sebab aku rasa diperlukan...
but above all,
aku tau, one day aku takkan diperlukan lagi...
before that time come,
i want to live my life like there's no tomorrow!
i want to enjoy it!
coz i know, when that day finally arrive,
i will be lonely again...
just like before...
that's the fact,
that will never change...
my fate perhaps...

sekian...

p/s aku actually langsung takde mood...sentap tau tak!!!
=(

7 things

I probably shouldn't say this
But at times I get so scared
When I think about the previous
Relationship we've shared

It was awesome but we lost it
It's not possible for me not to care
Now we're standing in the rain
But nothin's ever gonna change until you hear, 
my dear...

The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, 
your games, 
you're insecure
You love me, 
you like him,
You make me laugh, 
you make me cry...

I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
And when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent
As I wait for you to say
What I need to hear now
Your sincere apology
And when you mean it, I'll believe it
If you text it, I'll delete it
Let's be clear

I'm not coming back 
You're taking 7 steps here

Compared to all the great things
That would take too long to write
I probably should mention
The 7 that I like 

The 7 things I like about you
You hair, 
your eyes, 
your old levi's
And when we kiss, 
I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, 
you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined everything's alright

YOU MAKE ME LOVE YOU!!! 

what will happen...?

i feel like a quitter
but i don't wanna give up!
i really wanna do whatever i can.
all i know is,
i've tried many things, almost everything,
just to make it right,
right what i wanted it to be,
i know nothing will stop me,
nobody will hold me back,
somehow,
i feel like i'm drowning myself from day to day.
whatever i do,
i do it as best as i could,
whatever i feel,
i feel it as deep as i can possibly feel.
no matter how sad it is or how happy and exciting the feeling is,
i could just live the moment.
live it like i could never feel it again...tomorrow!
yes i do feel like i don't have any reason to live my life,
but everyone else does.
i don't know what the hell am i going to do with it.
who will i become?
how i will survive?
and who am i going to share my life with?
i honestly feel lonely...
i know and i realize that i am surrounded by many people,
but somehow i couldn't feel the excitement.
i feel like nobody understands me,
and worse,
they never try to!
all i know is
i've always been the person that people want to leave behind.
nobody cares,
nobody remembers,
and nobody sees.
i've been trying harder and even harder
to change the situation.
i tried to turn the table,
but i just couldn't...

confession

i don't know what to say anymore...sometimes its better if i'm just silent and let things goes by, without me trying to get involved. cause when i got involve, i messed up! i screwed up! i hate it!!!

right now i'm confuse...for a very long time, i've been thinking that loving people that doesn't love me back is a damn useless thing. but U know what? i never learnt the lesson. i keep on doing the same mistake over and over again. seriously, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME???!!! i guess i'm just too naive to be thinking that someone would really fall into me...a guy like me! yes, i'm one hell exclusive, unique and the one and only, but does that mean anything? a question i never dare to answer...

who's to be blamed? is it me? or is it the person who's making me fall into them? or is it anyone else?

more confusing when there's somebody giving U mix signals...he/she wants to be your friend and that's that. but at the same time jealous seeing U getting close to someone else. what does that mean?

U, yes U, please answer me???!!! i really need your answer!

do U like me or not? do U love me or not? do U want me to be your boyfriend or not?

i'm really confuse!!!

U've been messing with my mind, and my feelings...

but U know what?

U really changed me...

i once think that i'm JUST gonna be flirting with U, that i'm NOT gonna take U seriously, that i'm JUST having fun with U...

but then, i noticed that what i thought was wrong...

my mind changed! saying that i'm NOT going to be just flirting with U, that i'm GONNA take U seriously, and that i'm NOT gonna just having fun with U.

i love U so much that i don't have the guts to fool around like i always did before...U are like a "strainer" to me. when i try to flirt away, my mind stopped me, telling me that U are going to be mad with what i am doing...it really make me feel guilty.

can't U see? i'm really in to U...

i will be waiting...

but if U still can't accept me,

i hope time will cure me...FAST!

untitled

i never want to say all these crap about U...but whenever i feel down, and i've got no one to turn to, i write what i feel...

what i hate about U...

i hate U for not fulfilling what U say...U say U that U are coming but U never did.

U say that U will be there but U changed plan without telling me anything...

U know what? i'm extremely frustrated! i'm not mad, i'm not angry, but i honestly feel it's not fair!

i hate U for making me have feelings for U...deep feelings!

yes i started our relationship, but all i ever wanted is for us to be friends...not more than that!

i never thought that U would make me feel this way to U.

now i'm very in to U...i blame U for it!

i hate seeing U flirting around with other people!

jealousy i would say...

U once said "jealousy means LOVE"

yes i admit it!

what i love about U...

i love the way U care for me...yes U are caring.

U tell me to eat well, sleep, be careful in my journeys and many more...

when U did all that, i feel happy!

maybe it means nothing to U but for a person like me, it means the world!

i love your that U are a jealous type...

like U said, "jealousy means LOVE"...i hope that U feel the same way

your jealousy makes me feel more secured, more careful to mix around people...

it's not that i like it being controlled by anyone, but sometimes it's not a bad thing letting somebody to control my movements...somebody like U...

i love the way U smile...
your smile is sweet, cute, adorable etc!
i know it might sound ridiculous but your smile is all of those...
looking at your pictures seeing your smile i everything for me.

i love the way U talk...
all i can say is U talk like hell! U never stop talking...
U always know what to say
and i just love it!!!

p/s i might not be publishing this but all i know is i'm still in love with U!!! =)

my life is...

SAYA BAHAGIA...I'M HAPPY!!!

poyo!

my fellow Sarawakian!

walk2, eat air!

candid!

lost tourists!

say "fromage"!!!

SEKIAN TERIMA KASIH...=)

p/s thinking of u <3

aku yang bernama "putih"

namaku putih...putih dan ada smiley :)...

orang tak tau aku ada nama tu, aku sendiri baru tau...

dari mana aku tau?

aku "cekidaut" phone "dia"...

aku cek inbox, maka tersenarai la banyak sms yang di-send dari orang yang bernama putih :)

aku musykil, lalu aku bukak satu persatu...

bila diamati, sms2 berkenaan macam pernah ku lihat

rupa2nya, semuanya sms yang aku send...

aku tak tau kenapa dia letak contact name aku as putih :)

apa maknanya? sebab aku putih ke? putih sangat ke aku??? (perasan sial!!!)

aku tak tau apa maknanya...

mungkin dia tak mau namaku terpampang apabila sms masuk, dan orang nampak sms tu...

dia tak mau orang tau itu sms dari aku...

tapi aku tak kisah...

yang aku tau, ini kisah kami berdua

kalau orang tak tau, aku peduli apa?

aku lagi suka!

  

p/s aku sayang "dia"...sayang sgt!

GOD DAMN IT!!!

OMG!!! malam ni ehhh...pagi ni rasa macam shit je! 

damn it! aku rasa macam kantoi! tapi bukan setakat "macam", 

aku rasa aku dah betul2 kantoi! sialllllll!!!

aku dah try buat as normal as i could, 

act like there's nothing strange is happening, 

but still, 

people can smell it!

lepas ni dah sah2 tak boleh nak cover2 coz org dah syak!

WATEVER LA!!!

tapi apa yang aku harap, benda ni cepat2 tutup...

FYI, it's my private business for god sake!

nobody from outside should know about it...

so tolong la!

tolong sangat2 simpan benda ni elok2...

simpan dalam hati je!

hmmmmmm.....

esok dah la ada test,

pastu datang plak benda2 macam ni! HARAM!

pening2!!! memang semak glerrr!

nak rokok!!! bagi aku rokok!!!

p/s whatever happen, aku still sayang kau! i'll always do babe! kau dah ubah hidup aku! <3

stay up late post

macam h***m! keja tak siap gedik nak update blog!

well, macam tak kenal aku kan! selagi otak aku tak tenang, jangan harap aku nak sentuh keja...so skrg boleh dikatakan otak aku tak tenang la.

ingat nak siapkan keja beberapa jam yang lalu, and tdow right after aku wish gudnite kat "dia", but semua bertangguh. start buat keja pukul 10, then melarat ke pukul 11, pukul 12, pukul 1, 2, 3, and sekarang dah dekat pukul 4 pagi...

tadi sempat gak sms ngn "dia " kejap...aku bgtau la aku sibuk sket, nak buat keja...tapi at the same time aku ckp aku dah ngantuk...pastu dia reply, "buat slow2"...ok laaa, aku pakai nasihat tu. and now dah berjam keja aku bertangguh sebab ikut nasihat tu...hikhikhik...jangan marah k...tak salahkan U pun...aku memang sengaja buang masa.

nasib baik la esok klas 2.30 ptg...kalau kelas pagi mampos la aku!

p/s terasa gatal di bahagian tertentu! HAHAHAHA

facts about bloggers

hye all...

it's been a long time since i came around, it's been a long time but i'm back in time...alamak, lady gaga la plak...HAHA...

rindu I tak??? nak gedik sikit nih...hik3

main point aku hari ni nak isi masa lapang plus mengurangkan keboringan yang dah cecah tahap melampau kat sini...rs macam nak bunuh diri je weyhhh!!!

ok la, sape readers blog ni yang juga seorang blogger? angkat tangan macam saya...

korang tau tak fact about bloggers? aku pun tak tau, but as far as i know, there are a lot of things we could see when it comes to blogging as well as bloggers...after a little considerations, discussion and gives and takes with the highest council(myself), it came to the following results...cekidaut!!!

1) bloggers are people full of emotions...but they don't know how to express those feelings. WHY?

take a good look at any post by personal bloggers...how they use their words in their sentences...normally they will use what i call "ayat bunga2" in their blog...direct bukan, indirect pun bukan...bloggers ni suka pusing2, menyimpang sana-sini sampai readers tak tau diorang discuss pasal apa...so kalau perhatikan betul2, diorang memang nak sampaikan at least satu emosi kpd readers, but the thing is their words are so complicated!

2) bloggers are people full of lies...cakap tu, cakap ni, nasihat tu, nasihat ni but they themselves pun sama je. macam h***m...HAHAHA...why did i say that? coz I am a blogger myself! imagine u're reading someone's blog and blogger tu bagi nasihat kat korang about hoe to deal with certain problems...readers for sure akan baca dgn teliti. but when it comes to the bloggers themselves, what they give is not what they practice...but the thing is, whatever they say in their posts, ada kebenarannya...nasihat yang diorang bagi pun boleh pakai.

3) bloggers are a bunch of people who don't have self-esteem...in other word, they are "pendiam" in reality.

yup, believe it or not, it's true. bloggers yang mula2 buat blog akan post entry2 skema nak m****s! tapi bila dah lama, perhatikan apa yang jadi. they transformed into the most daring people ever in terms of their way of speaking! so what's the downside of blogging? very the BENEFICIAL beb! berbaloi jd blogger ni! HAHA

4) bloggers are story tellers...kalau masuk bertanding bercerita memang jadi champion! bab reka2 cerita ni bloggers memang pandai. betul tak? bayangkan korang tgh baca entry kat satu blog ni...bloggers ni plak story pasal satu kisah menyedihkan. TOUCHING gitu! masa baca tu korang boleh plak nangis siap ready satu kotak tisu depan PC...at the very beginning of the enrtry blogger tu mention yang kisah tu adalah the very true story of him/her, tiada kaitan dgn yang hidup atau yg telah mati. bila dah habis baca, korang percaya bulat2 cerita ala2 touching tu...all I can say is TAKDE MAKNANYA!!! all those stories are just rekaan semata-mata!

5) bloggers are damn cute, handsome, beautiful...but at the same time very shy2 cat...dalam blog bukan main kutuk orang sana-sini, kritik orang tu, ktitik orang ni, KECOH je lebih! tapi bloggers tak sebarkan fitnah k! but the point is, bila korang jumpa blogger ni in person, u'll begin to realize that what u imagine of them in their blog is not the same as they really are...but one thing for sure, bloggers are CUTE!!! setuju tak my fellow bloggers???HAHAHAHA

that's all i wanna say...perah otak berjam2 dah semata2 untuk entry ni.kalau korang ada idea nak tambah, komen la.kalau tak pun PM me...next is I nak buat assignment yang langsung tak disentuh...lalalala~babai u alls!!!

p/s ngantuk glerrr...zzzZZZ

maybe

Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm the only one
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same

Maybe it's hopeless
Maybe I should just give up
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?




*extracted from the song "maybe" by sick puppies






p/s still in pain(physically) when posting this...=))

FLY

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive, to survive, to prosper, to rise...TO FLY! 

I wish today it will rain all day. Maybe that will kinda make the pain go away. Trying to forgive you for abandoning me. Praying but I think I’m still an angel away, yeah strange in a way. Maybe that is why I chase strangers away. They got their guns out aiming at me but I become Neo when they aiming at me. Me against them. Me against enemies, me against friends. Somehow they both seem to become one. A sea full of sharks and they all smell blood. They start coming and I start rising. Must be surprising, I’m just surmising. I win, thrive, soar, higher, higher and more fire.

Everybody wanna try to box me in, suffocating every time it locks me in. Paint they own pictures then they crop me in but I will remain where the top begins Cause I am not a word, I am not a line, I am not a boy that can ever be defined. I am not fly, I am levitation. I represent an entire generation. I hear the criticism loud and clear. That is how I know that the time is near. So we become alive in a time of fear and I ain't got no motherfucking time to spare. Cry my eyes out for days upon days. Such a heavy burden placed upon me but when you go hard your nay’s become yay’s. Yankee Stadium with Jay’s and Kanye’s. 

Get ready for it. I came to win!!!

*extracted from the song "fly" by nicki minaj ft rihanna

give me more *****!

hello all...boys and girls! gediksss and b*****s sekalian! greetings from me! saje la nak mencarut tengah hari buta yang panassss ni kan...entah kenapa sejak aku sampai sini aku rasa weekend dia boring sangat2! agaknya kenapa ekk??? pagi2 macam biasa la, ofkoz aku akan bangun lambat. paling awal pun pukul 10. tapi hari ni pukul 12 baru aku bangun...macam ape ntah kan??!! HAHAHA...lepas bangun tak tau plak nak buat ape. yang lagi pelik, aku memang super malas nak keluar dari bilik, apatah lagi nak keluar dari rumah...duduk kat sini macam tak happening langsung. dulu kat kolej senang je nak keluar walaupun diorang limitkan sampai pukul 11 malam je. tapi sekarang bila dah takde limit, rasa malas plak nak angkat punggung...member2 aku semua pakat duduk umah walaupun cakap nak keluar...kiranya kalau nak keluar tu nak kena guna effort lebih la. perlukan kegigihan nak meredah halangan sepanjang perjalanan...HUAHUAHUA!

all and all, seriously aku boring sangat2 kat sini...nak turun makan pun susah...apa jenis pemalas pun aku tak tau la...HAHAHAHA...

ok la, enough with that...aku nak menikmati pemandangan indah dari tingkap bilik(merenung masa depan)walaupun hanya nampak bangunan n kereta lalu lalang... babai!

p/s sape2 nak hang out, bawak aku keluar jalan2 contact la no. ni...014******4(*error) kui3...

semakin terasa...tettt tettt tetttt*

hello guys! it's been a week now since i updated my blog...so now rasa macam ada masa free...in fact aku memang free and alone at home(tak sedar assignment berlambak). what a boring day! dah 2 weeks study, i'm starting to feel the pressure. not only the classes, home works and the assignments, but also the activities, programs, and events that we're going to do for the rest of the semester. kalau nak diikutkan sem ni lagi rilek dr sem lepas coz kelas tak pack, but somehow, sem ni macam lagi busy with everything!DARN IT!!! kelas malam pun ada...korang yang study kat KBM ni tau la macam mana azabnya duduk kat dalam KBM malam2...HAHAHA

tambah2 plak ada kelas yang super boring contohnya teeetttttt*...dengan lecturer yang super weird! yuckkkkssss! tapi what the hell, i'll just ignore all those things! HEHEHE...bukan 1st time aku kenal orang macam tu, in fact aku lebih kenal. more than anyone! seriously! but on top of that, i feel better bila masuk kelas yg satu lagi...ehem2...kelas apakah itu? and weirdly masa kelas ehem2 ni, aku miraculously tak rasa sejuk! gedik lak! whatever la kan...kelas lain aku tak nak komen...so so je...

ok la guys...blank la time ni coz environment kat sini bising, plus aku tak mandi lagi!HAHAHAHAHA. malas nak story banyak2...

p/s i'm so bored right now...sape2 free bawak la aku klua jalan2.boling ke, karaoke ke, movie ke...keh3

what can we do to change the world?

manusia kadang2...actually selalu fikir yang mereka boleh mengubah dunia, mampu mencipta satu budaya baru menggantikan yang sedia ada. paling common, manusia at least fikir yang mereka boleh melindungi family. worse case scenario, to change the world. well for sure mereka mahukan family yang lebih bahagia, dan dunia yang lebih aman, tanpa sebarang isu kemasyarakatan, politik, peperangan dan sebagainya. hakikatnya ramai antara kita yang sangat2 ambitious sehingga mampu berfikiran jauh seperti itu. but you know what? history has proved that nobody has ever succeeded in doing any of those. as the matter of fact, things got worse! 

take example of Mother Teresa. she might be has inspired so many people into doing some very noble things for humanity. she helped so many people during the time of her life. but did it last for long? sadly to say, the answer is NO! i still remember when i was a kid, my teacher blew a balloon and wrote "SELF ESTEEM" on the side of it and put it on the wall. she told us that we are all like that balloon. If we didn’t have any self esteem, we would only be limp and small and sad. Everyone else seemed really inspired, but it didn’t click very well with me. Watching that balloon on the wall deflate a little bit each day until it withered away…I felt that self esteem didn’t do much other than make people falsely large for a little while. But no one else seemed to notice. Everyone kept going along their short little lives, puffed up with their self esteem, getting smaller and smaller each day. truth is, those kind of thinking inspires more and more people to thinking and doing things that they can't actually do! isn't that insane???

What I hate the most are those idealistic people who think they can change the world. Behind all those grand ideas of a better life, I think they’re just desperate to be remembered. Desperate to keep their withering balloons filled so they can feel important. But things never change. No matter how hard you fight, it hardly makes a difference. One person’s life is just a drop in a bucket. A lot of people think I’m real pessimist because I think this way, but it doesn’t really bother me at all. It’s easier to live life if I don’t have to worry about changing the world.